The time that I’ve wasted is my biggest regret. Spent in these places I will never forget. Just sitting and thinking about the things that I’ve done. The crying, the laughing the hurt and the fun, now it’s just me and my hard driven guilt. Behind a wall of emptiness I allowed to be built. I’m trapped in my body, just wanting to run back to my youth with it’s laughter and fun. But the chase is over and there’s no place to hide. Everything is gone, including my pride. With reality suddenly right in my face, I’m scared, alone and stuck in this place. Now memories of the past flash though my head and the pain is obvious by the tears that I shed. I ask myself why and where I went wrong. I guess I was weak when I should have been strong. Living for the drugs and the wings I had grown, my feelings were lost, afraid to be shown. As I look at my past it’s so easy to see. The fear that I had, afraid to be me. I’d pretend to be rugged, so fast and so cool. When actually lost like a blinded old fool. I’m getting too old for this tiresome game, of acting real hard with no sense of shame. It’s time that I change and get on with my life, fulfilling my dreams for a family and wife. What my future will hold I really don’t know, but the years that I’ve wasted are starting to show. I live for the day when I’ll get a new start. And the dreams I still hold deep in my heart. I hope I can make it, I at least have to try, because I’m leading towards death, and I don’t want to die.
By Doug Roberts